Dicono che sti cosiddetti meme (ovvero cagate che ti impongono di scrivere cagate sul tuo conto da condividere con altri pezzi di merda di blogger che cagheranno le loro) possono dare un quadro psicologico della vostra mente criminale. Io non ci credo, nonostante l’opinione contraria della mia ultima vittima prima che le iniettassi una siringa di acido nel cervello. Se volete perdere inutilmente il vostro tempo prezioso, scaricate da qui le istruzioni se avete il pene, da qui se avete la vagina (se siete trans o avete deciso di cambiare sesso fate quel cazzo che vi pare).
Lista di misteri della vita.
- Perché mi sveglio sempre a orari inumani?
- Perché continuo a bere caffè quando in realtà lo odio? Per giunta amaro!
- Perché, quando una persona mi propone qualcosa, continuo a dire sì quando in realtà non me ne frega un cazzo?
- Perché mi ostino a leggere cinque libri contemporaneamente, sapendo che ne finirò uno abbandonando gli altri?
Lista di cose tamarre ma che mi piacciono nelle donne.
- Il rossetto nero
- Colore inusuale dei capelli
- Collant rotti
- Collant bianchi
- Perizoma fuori dai pantaloni
Lista di persone che ucciderei e poi andrei a letto senza l’ombra di un rimorso.
- Il 90% dei normalisti pisani
- Le professoresse di francese delle medie
- I comunisti da Domenica Sportiva
- Gli esseri umani, in generale [E allora mi chiedo: Perché ho dato delle categorie prima?]
Lista di automobili che ho posseduto.
- Fiat 500
- Daewoo Lanos
- Fiat Grande Punto
Lista dei nomi più bizzarri delle mie ex ragazze (in ordine alfabetico).
[Parlerò solo in presenza del mio avvocato]
Lista di oggetti che mi porterei su un’isola deserta
- Solamente libri, in particolare:
Il Silmarillion, Fight Club, Ossi di Seppia, Vita d’un Uomo, Superba è la Notte, I Fiori Blu.
Lista di cose che non potrei avere su un’isola deserta e che mi mancherebbero di più.
- L’iPod (che tra l’altro ha anche la batteria fottuta, quindi sticazzi…)
Lista di artisti che sono andato a sentire dal vivo.
- Cristiano de André
- Marlene Kuntz [mai l’avessi fatto]
- Litfiba
- Richie Kotzen
- Pino Scotto
- Varie cover band pisane
- Duff
- Mondo Marcio
Lista di cose che so cucinare.
- Moussaka
- Manzo alla Stroganoff
- Tortino di funghi
Lista delle cose che ho cambiato nell’ultimo anno.
- La mensola per poggiare i libri
Lista di oggetti smarriti.
- Un paio di occhiali
- Il caricabatterie del cellulare (ritrovato una settimana dopo)
- I bottoni della giacca
- Svariati plettri
Posti in cui mi sono addormentato che non erano un letto.
- Il cesso (delle case altrui)
- L’aereo per scendere in Calabria
- Il treno, per scendere in Calabria
- Il traghetto per andare in Sicilia
- La doccia (di casa mia)
- Le macchine altrui
Lista di quello che c’è in questo momento nel mio cassetto.
- Svariati numeri di Dylan Dog
- Una scatola con le fiches per il Poker
- Un portachiave della Juventus
- Un portadocumenti
- Una chiavetta USB della Vodafone distrutta (lanciata contro il muro)
Lista dei fumetti che leggevo da bambino (e continuo a leggere, malgrado tutto).
- Topolino
- Dylan Dog
- Diabolik
- Tex
- Nathan Never
- One Piece
- Charlie Brown
- Spiderman
- Superman
Lista dei vestiti che indosso in questo momento.
- Sono nudo, seduto su un cactus [Mi scoccia profondamente denudarmi e staccarmi il collo per leggere ogni singola marca del cazzo dei vestiti che ho addosso].
Lista dei lavori bizzarri che ho fatto prima di fare lo studente universitario.
- Il neonato
- Lo studente delle elementari
- Lo studente delle medie
- L’adolescente
- Lo studente del liceo (scientifico, per la precisione)
- Il disoccupato
- L’onanista
- Il blogger fallito
- Lo scrittore fallito
- Il filosofo fallito
- Il musicista fallito
Lista di persone famose con cui farei sesso anche solo una volta.
- Cat Power ed Eddie Vedder (insieme!!!)
- Cate Blanchett
- Lucy Liu
- [Nel caso dovessi diventare gay]: Michael Stipe ed Eddie Vedder (insieme!!!)
- [Nel caso dovessi diventare necrofilo]: Whitney Houston
Lista di nomi che darei ad una mia ipotetica figlia/o.
- Ester
- Nienor
- Anna
- Sara
Lista delle cose da fare quando sarò morto.
- Fare una foto con tanto di duckface insieme a San Pietro, Zarathustra e Schopenhauer
- Battere a tressette Heidegger
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