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Vedi, Amore mio: scrivere per me non è un piacere, un dolore o un rito taumaturgico. La vita mi ha riservato delle sorprese, di tanto in tanto. Una di queste mi ha spinto ad agire, ragionare, comportarmi in un determinato modo. E quel determinato modo, dopo anni che lamentavo un’esistenza effimera e priva di qualsiasi stimolo, mi aveva reso in qualche modo, checché non ami particolarmente utilizzare questo termine, felice.
Cos’è la felicità?
Felicità fu vederti davanti la porta di casa mia in un giorno d’estate e improvvisamente, fu accompagnarti a casa una sera d’inverno e baciarti, fu aiutarti a studiare Kant per le interrogazioni al terzo anno di classico e subito dopo tentare di fare l’amore con i tuoi genitori al piano di sotto.
Felicità era parlare di tutto questo il giorno dopo, con l’innocenza dei bambini e la dolcezza di due vecchi amanti; era parlare di come – finita la guerra – noi fossimo ancora vivi e insieme dopo tutti quegli anni di morte che ci hanno accompagnato.
Felicità, ora, è ricordare tutto quanto in poche righe – confondendo volti ed eventi trascorsi e altre donne con te e confondere te con loro – in un’idea di donna che, platonismi a parte, cancella i tuoi difetti e li accomuna a tutte le altre senza avere la minima sbavatura della tua persona, sebbene fusa e confusa con altre.
Felicità sarà vederti in quest’idea, un giorno, fatta di carne e ossa per poterti dedicare ogni frammento di bellezza che solo la tua esistenza potrà creare da questo essere ripugnante quale sono.
Vedi, Amore mio: scrivere per me non è un piacere, un dolore o un rito taumaturgico. Ma è un modo per ricordarti senza ricorrere all’odio.
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Che orrore, essere contaminate dall’odio o dall’amore riservato a qualcun’altra. Meglio il nulla.
Sì, ha iniziato dalla figlia, avrebbe proseguito con la madre, se solo avesse avuto più tempo.
>tentare di fare l’amore con i tuoi genitori al piano di sotto.
Al liceo già volevi farti una famiglia?